The Return of the Guy Who Said No Fair
by The Dairy Queen
Summary: As the next chapter in our heroes lives unfolds, a mysterious figure emerges to ruin Will and Elizabeth's marital bliss. Meanwhile, Norrington is finding it harder than he thought to put Elizabeth from his mind. T for language and a bit o' violence.
1. Chapter 1

Pirates of the Caribbean  
  
The Return of the Guy Who Said "No Fair"  
  
Elizabeth Swann looked deep into Will Turner's eyes. "No." she said. "He's a pirate."  
  
At long last, they embraced each other and kissed passionately. Several feet away, Commodore Norrington, out of view behind a doorway, burst into tears, thoroughly verging on a nervous breakdown.   
  
Also unbeknownst to Elizabeth and Will, Michelle Austen, a maid in Governor Weatherby Swann's household, was climbing the fort wall, picking coconuts. What kind of coconuts? Imported coconuts! You know, that whole Caribbean thing. Gazing at Will from her hold on the wall, tears, not unlike Norrington's, spilled down her cheeks. 


	2. Chapter 2

Three months later, dancing couples filled the ballroom of Governor Swann's newly rebuilt mansion, celebrating the marriage of the now Mr. and Mrs. William Turner. Two such couples were Michelle Austen and Mullroy, a member of the British Royal Navy, and Sarah Van de Steeg, Michelle's friend and fellow maid, with Murtogg, Mullroy's friend and a somewhat skinnier member of the Royal Navy. However, while Sarah and Murtogg danced lovingly together, cheek-to-cheek, Michelle and Mullroy were apart, Michelle distant and remote. Mullroy tried desperately to hold her close, but to no avail. Finally the waltz ended and Michelle, sighing, drew him away from the other dancers to talk privately in a corner.   
  
Sitting alone in another corner was Norrington, nursing a brandywine (as in river). He was dejected and refused dances with even the most eligible and wealthy (though not always pretty) young ladies of Port Royal. Looking at Will and Elizabeth, dancing happily, Norrington frowned sourly, and downed another glass. He had not wanted to attend the wedding, but as the head of the Royal Fleet in the Caribbean, it was his duty. 


	3. Chapter 3

  
  
Following the dancing, all of the guests entered the dining room. Because Michelle and Sarah, two of Elizabeth's friends, were invited, the staff was slightly shorthanded. Servants of other manners were designated temporary servers. Among them was Margaret Austen, Michelle's slightly plumper sister and cook in the Swann household. The guests seated themselves around the lengthy dining table, but absent was Mullroy. Margaret frowned in concern and hurriedly left to find him. She found him sitting, his head in his hands, against the ballroom wall. He looked up when he heard her approach.  
  
"Hello Margaret." 


	4. Chapter 4

"She couldn't have meant that!" exclaimed Margaret after hearing Mullroy relay what Michelle had said.

Mullroy stared ahead sadly. "I think she was telling the truth."

Margaret bit her lower lip, and looked through the open doorway into the dining room, where she saw Michelle shamefully attempting to flirt with Will.


	5. Chapter 5

"How could you do that?" cried Margaret as she brushed out her hair.

Michelle and Margaret Austen arrived at the inn owned by their parents, Bernard and Anne, late that evening. In the room they shared, Margaret was just settling down and Michelle was beginning to doze off in her four poster bed.

"Do what?" Michelle asked sleepily.

"How could you hurt him?"

"Hurt who...Oh! You mean Mullroy?"

"Yes, I mean Mullroy!"

"Don't hate me because I'm beautiful!" cried Michelle indigently.

"You just can't play with emotions like that." Said Margaret, tight lipped.

"Well if you're so concerned, why don't you court him?"

Margaret flushed a bright scarlet, and scowled at Michelle, who stared pointedly back, smirking at her sisters embarrassment.

"Oh, come now!" she sneered. "You can't tell me you haven't been pining for him!"

"Why do you always think you're better than everyone else?"

"Because I am!"

Angrily, Margaret blew out a candle, leaving the room in darkness.


	6. Chapter 6

It was morning in Port Royal. The butcher was butchering, the baker was baking, and the grosser was grossing. And, as usual, the British Royal Navy was parading around Port Royal waving the Union Jack, because they always do that! Anyway, it was Banana Day! What kind of bananas? Imported bananas! However, not amongst them were Murtogg and Mullroy, the designated guards of the new, swift ship, the Enterprise. Mullroy was still not himself, and Murtogg was about to comment on this, when a black clad figure strode up the dock towards the Enterprise. His hair was gray and scraggly, and he had an odd decayed look about him. He had not taken more than a few steps onto the dock when Murtogg and Mullroy thrust their bayonets in his face.

"This dock is off limits to civilians," said Murtogg.

"I'm terribly sorry, I didn't know," said the black clad man. "If I see one, I shall inform you immediately."

He attempted to pass, but Murtogg and Mullroy blocked him again. The man in black looked thoughtful.

"Apparently there's some sort of high-toned and fancy to-do in town. How could it be that upstanding gentleman such as yourselves did not merit an invitation?"

"Someone had to make sure this dock stays off limits to civilians," again stated Murtogg. Then a look of comprehension dawned on his face. He turned to Mullroy. "Haven't I said that before?"

"You know what? I was thinking the very thing!" responded Mullroy. "Actually, this whole conversation seems very familiar."

The black clothed, decaying man (oh, we'll just call him the "man in black," as in "galaxy defender." Though, being an antagonistic character, it's not likely he's be defending anything, much less a galaxy) interjected."

"Actually, due to the writer's lack of ingenuity, we are, essentially, reliving a scene that previously occurred, except for the substitution of the antagonist, so to speak."

"Oh, well thanks!" said Murtogg.

"Ah well, I do have my moments, but now, I'm afraid, I must resume character. Ahem, 'stand aside you blooming cockroaches!'"

"But I just _said_, 'This dock is off limits to civilians!'"

"Well," said the man in black (who, by the way, smelled like apples. Ha! Hint hint, eh?) "I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request." Before Murtogg and Mullroy could stop him, he dashed past them onto the Enterprise with a "means no."

"Hey! You!" cried Mullroy. "You don't have permission to be aboard there mate!"

The man in black smirked. "No really, I think I do."

"What's your name?" asked Murtogg.

"Jones, or Jonesy, if you like."

"What's your purpose in Port Royal, 'Mr. Jones,'" inquired Mullroy.

"Yeah, and no lies," said Murtogg.

"Well, then I confess. I've come to find a long lost family member of mine. And pillage and plunder, I guess."

"I said no lies!"

"I think he was telling the truth," responded Mullroy.


	7. Chapter 7

At the Swann mansion, Governor Swann, Will, Elizabeth, and Commodore Norrington (for some reason he's eating there, I don't know) were just finishing their afternoon meal. Michelle hovered in the doorway, looking lovingly at Will. In her hands she held a porcelain pitcher of wine.

"Miss Austen?" called Governor Swann. "More wine, please."

Michelle, eyes dazed, strode past Governor Swann and proceeded to fill Will's glass.

"Uh...thank you?" said Will, thoroughly confused.

Abruptly, Michelle came back down to Earth and, embarrassed, hurried off to the kitchen. She was met by Margaret, who was clearing the remaining food.

"Please stop making a fool of yourself," said Margaret.

"And how, exactly, am I doing that?"

"With Will Turner!"

"First you criticize me for not courting, and now you are upset because I'm pursuing the man I love!"

"He's married to Elizabeth! Your friend, last time I checked!"

"What does she have that I don't?"

Margaret sighed and, taking a handled basket, moved towards the door.

"Where are you going?"

"I need to buy food for dinner. I'm going to town."

With that, she left Michelle standing alone in the kitchen.

It's 'supper,' Michelle muttered.


	8. Chapter 8

In one swift motion, the man in black knocked Mullroy's bayonet from his grasp. Murtogg took a step forward, but the man in black already had his pistol aimed at Mullroy's heart.

"Take one step, and he dies!"

When Murtogg hesitated, the man in black hit Mullroy over the head with the handle of his sword, and he collapsed.


	9. Chapter 9

Margaret kept away from the crowd that day. Anyhow, there was still few people in the markets because most people were celebrating. However, as she passed the dock, she looked over at the Enterprise and gave an alarmed gasp. There was Murtogg, kneeling over the fallen form of Mullroy. Margaret dropped her basket of fruit and vegetables and ran to them.

"What happened?" she cried.

"I...I don't know." He stammered.

"You must find help."

Murtogg nodded once before hurrying into the town. Meanwhile, Margaret knelt down and wiped Mullroy's forehead with the hem of her apron, soaking the cloth deep red. Mullroy stirred, and opened his eyes. In the limbo between sleep and consciousness, he lay there looking at her, and smiled. All too soon he was released from his trance, and frantically tried to sit up, though Margaret gently laid him down on the ship deck.

She never heard the footsteps behind her, only saw the chloroformed handkerchief cover her nose and mouth, before Mullroy, the Enterprise, and the beauty of Port Royal faded, the scent of Caribbean spice and sounds of life faded, and all went black.


	10. Chapter 10

Will, Elizabeth, Governor Swann, and Commodore Norrington had relocated to the sitting room, and were now sipping their tea. However, while Norrington, eyes downcast, and Elizabeth sat in uncomfortable silence, Will and Governor Swann were deep in conversation.

"So its lather, sponge, repeat?" asked Governor Swann, looking at the rough skin on his hands.

"That's what I do," responded Will. "See how my skin is radiant and soft?"

Suddenly, a loud thud was heard from the entry way beyond. Norrington, alerted, tore his gaze away from the intricate designs in the carpeting.

Tossing aside his still steaming cup of tea, Norrington lunged at the Governor, crying "Canon fire!"

They crashed onto the floor as Governor Swann's chair collapsed from the commodore's added weight.

"Commodore Norrington..."came Governor Swann's voice from the deep depths of the floor. "Get off!"

As they both came to their feet, a second knock sounded on the door.

"Don't even think about it," said the governor as Commodore Norrington reached for Will's tea. "It's only the door."

At that moment, Murtogg rushed into the room, having been let in by the butler dude.


	11. Chapter 11

"So you're saying this 'darkly clad hombre,'" began Will.

"Look, Turner," said Norrington. "We've already established that we're calling him 'the man in black.' If you're going to be in this fan fiction, pay attention!"

"As I was saying," said Will with a sharp glance at Commodore Norrington, "We must save them!" Will struck a very hero-boy pose.

"Can I go with you?" Michelle, who'd been eavesdropping from the secret hole in the wall she used to spy on Will, suddenly was on her knees before them, pleading.

"Does she have to?" whined Will.

"Darling," said Elizabeth. "Could I have a word with you?"

Elizabeth and Will Turner went a bit of a ways away from everyone else where they couldn't be heard.

"How could you say that, knowing her true love and sister are out there with someone who, coincidentally, bears a striking resemblance to Barbossa?"

"You think he's her true love? Dearest, are you blind?"

They both glanced over at Michelle, who, hands clasped together, was looking moony eyed at Will.

"Anyway," Will continued, "She's _weird_. She's totally freaking me out."

"Well, at least be nice. After this is resolved, you can talk to her."

"Fine..." muttered Will as they returned to the main grouping point of the room.

All the while, Governor Swann was at his desk, composing a letter.

"Butler Dude?" he said. "See that this is sent out. I think it's time to call in the old gang."

"Onward!" shouted Will as they prepared to depart.

"Let's get one thing straight, pretty-boy," said Commodore Norrington. "I'll be giving the orders on the little outing, okay?"

"Commodore, you make me laugh! Hahahahaha!" laughed Will as they trouped out the door into town with the setting sun before them.


	12. Chapter 12

Note: Hey, I'm back! Sorry it's been so long, for anyone who's actually reading my story, ridiculous as it is.

"_The Caribbean: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Caribbean boat-thingy, Enterprise, its continuing mission to seek out new life and persecute harmless pirates, to boldly go where no one ha…"_

"Aaaaaaaarrrrrgh! Shut up Picard!"

"Sorry Mr. Barbossa. It won't happen again Mr. Barbossa!"

Below deck, Mullroy and Margaret were sitting in a foot of molding water, gazing through a small window at the seagulls beyond.

"Are you alright?" Margaret asked.

"Yes, I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You were hit rather hard." Margaret moved closer to examine his head, were a bit of blood had dried.

Suddenly, the shadow of 'the man in black' obstructed their view of the seagulls.

"Hey," cried Margaret. "You've blocked the seagulls. Is it enough that you have imprisoned us in less than livable conditions? In this muck and filth! Nay! NAY I CRY! You have now taken away our only consolation that we may see a world beyond this! That we might reach with our eyes to a place beyond the rainbow were, though in our case they are seagulls, Bluebirds fly! You may take away our homes! You may take away our pride! You may even take our lives!"

"What?" suddenly interjected Mullroy. Margaret continued:

"But you can never take away our FREEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOMM!"

Margaret reached into the dirty water and pulled out a set of bagpipes and played "Scotland the Brave."

Both Barbossa and Mullroy stared at her in complete bewilderment.

"I didn't know you were Scottish." Said Mullroy.

"Neither did I, actually," Margaret replied. "In fact, I have no clue were those bagpipes came from."

"Hmmm," pondered Barbossa. "I'll have to look into that."

"But really!" demanded Margaret. "What do you mean to do to us, you wretched man!"

"Argh! Don't disrespect me, missy! I'm a pirate! And I do pirate-y things! So what say you to that?"

"Aye…" sighed Mullroy.

"No!" shouted Margaret. "Mullroy! You can't let him win! You can't just give your life away because my sister left you! You have so much to offer."

"Hey, you're right!"

"You bet your ass I'm right! In fact, if we ever get out of here, I'm going to finally stand up to my sister, for both of us."

"You would do that?"

"I don't think you realize how important you are to me…"

"If I wanted sentimental hogwash," shouted Barbossa, interjecting, "I would have watched Days of Our Lives…which I don't know about…"

Jean-Luc Picard and another of Barbossa's henchmen pirates appeared. Upon unlocking the brig, they took Mullroy and Margaret roughly by the arms.

"What are you doing?" asked Mullroy.

"Readying the plank!" responded Barbossa.

"But I can't swim!"


	13. Chapter 13

Aboard the Dauntless, the group of rescuers, so to speak, stayed on deck as the King's finest sailors did their worst, in sailing terms, of course. Actually, they were doing fine, but you see it's an _expression_…oh, never mind…

Anyhow, Michelle was looking longingly at Will, who was doing the same to Elizabeth, who was looking questioningly at Commodore Norrington who was pleading with Governor Swann to annul Elizabeth's marriage. In fact, the only person not connected in this twisted chain was Murtogg, who was completely absorbed in his miniature painting of Sarah, his betrothed. It was a very odd time indeed. Finally, Will tore his gaze from Elizabeth and strode forward to join Norrington and the Governor further down on the deck.

"I'm telling you, he's an imposter!" Norrington whispered fiercely.

"Commodore!" the Governor laughed uneasily. "Don't be silly! I'm sure there's nothing wrong with Mr. Turner, except for his somewhat regrettable heritage."

"Oho! That's what he wants you to think! He's messing with your mind, man! Look at his arm! That weird design on his wrist? You think that's a harmless symbol of comradeship with a bunch of actors he met in New Zealand? No! It's witchcraft!"

"Don't be absurd! There hasn't been a witch in these parts for more than a hundred years!"

Their conversation was halted by the approach of Will. Norrington stiffened, his expression hardened, and was turning to leave when Governor Swann addressed him.

"Commodore Norrington," he said. "I respect your judgment, but perhaps now would not be the time to create animosity amongst us."

Once Norrington had left them, Governor Swann turned to Will.

"Do you require my attention, Mr. Turner?"

"Dad, how many time's must I asked you to call me Will?"

"Ah…Will then…did you need something?"

"Yes, actually. This afternoon, you referred to an old gang which you were calling in. Who were they?"

"Well, as a youth in London, I was a rather popular lad. At one time, I had a rather close knit group of chums, six of us I believe there were, including myself. We were a jovial bunch, always keen to some amusement or to solve small mysterious." The Governor's eyes misted a moment. "I hadn't realized how much I missed them until now."

"So you called them in to help?"

"Yes. I thought they could be of assistance in this little dilemma."

"You called them in from England?"

"Well, yes! Where else would they come from?"

"And you expect them to arrive soon?"

"Ah…yes, that bit…I guess I should have given it a tad more thought."

As the sun set began to set, they looked ahead to the horizon, curious as to what awaited them in the night. And, in the case of Governor Swann, how in the world the plan would succeed if he couldn't provide reliable backup.


	14. Chapter 14

_Previously on Pirates of the Caribbean: The Return of the Guy Who Said "No-Fair"..._

Jean-Luc Picard and another of Barbossa's henchmen pirates appeared. Upon unlocking the brig, they took Mullroy and Margaret roughly by the arms.

"What are you doing?" asked Mullroy.

"Readying the plank!" responded Barbossa.

"But I can't swim!"

_And now the continuation..._

"Well, you'd best be learnin' to swim, shouldn't you?" Barbossa grinned and took a bite from a large, juicy green apple.

"Look, Barbozo, or whatever your name is," Margaret said coldly, trying to wriggle out of Barbossa's henchman's grasp as Jean-Luc Picard practiced standing around looking impressive. "He said he can't swim. What are you trying to do, drown him?"

Barbossa blinked.

"You're really not that bright, are you," he said.

Margaret froze, comprehension rush like a wave over her brain.

"No..." she whispered. "No, you can't possibly!"

"Actually I can and I am." Barbossa turned his attention back to Mullroy, who was standing at the end of the plank.

Margaret resumed her struggle, all the more determined free herself. But his grip was iron, and she was soon forced to admit defeat.

Mullroy held himself proud as befit one in the King's Navy, who had learned to accept a life in which many died for God and Country. But he could not hide the fear in his eyes.

He took a shaky breath, and turned to the water.

Barbossa sunk to a low bow in mock respect. "Pride of the Navy, I salute you." He rose, and moved towards the plank.

"Wait!" cried Margaret. "I love you…"

"You _love _him?" said Mullroy incredulously.

"No not him!" she exclaimed. "You…I love you…well, now that I've made a fool of my self, we'd best be going…"

At that moment, Barbossa let out an impatient groan, and stomped on the plank, causing it to rock wildly, and Mullroy to tumble in to the water.

"Help!" He shouted. "You _do _all realize I can't swim, right?"

"I'll be there in a second!" Margaret hollered. With that, she elbowed Barbossa's henchman in the ribs. He doubled over in pain with a yelp, but did not let go. That was when Margaret smashed her heel down on his foot.

"Why you…" he growled.

But she had already jumped.


	15. Chapter 15

"…_Mon amour,_

_Tu es tres belle, _

_Comme la rose de mon couer…"_

Below deck, everyone, save for Commodore Norrington, clapped. Will Turner stopped singing and put down his minstrel guitar. Elizabeth, still dabbing her moist eyes, came over to Will and threw her arms around him.

"Will," she sobbed, "That was beautiful. Where did you learn it?"

"Well," began Will, "When I was a lad living in England, I was very fond of fishing."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Norrington grumbled.

"So," continued Will, ignoring him. "One day I was fishing in the Channel, and along came a French chap, doing the same, only in France they call it, "la manche." I think it looks nothing like a sleeve…"

"Get on with it…" Norrington sighed.

Will looked sharply at him. "As I was saying…I learned the song from this French boy."

"Who was he?" asked Elizabeth.

"Napoleon something…said he was vacationing from some island. Personally, I don't think he'll amount to much."

"Nonsense…" muttered the Commodore.

"What did you say?" asked Will coldly.

"You're talking nonsense! Fishing in the Channel, ridiculous songs by the French, who, might I remind you, we aren't too chummy with at the moment!"

"Commodore Norrington, Mr. Turner," interjected Governor Swann. "This bickering is pointless! We should all settle down anyway, we've had a very long day."

"I want a turn," said Norrington coldly.

"A turn on what?" said Will

"The guitar," said Norrington, tight lipped.

"Fine," said Will, handing over the guitar.

Norrington held it somewhat awkwardly.

"Ahem, okay then," he began. "_Every night in my dreams, I…"_

"Oh, not this again!" wined Will.

"You think you can do better?"

"I already have," said Will, putting an arm around Elizabeth.

Will blinked. In the next instant, Norrington's fist connected with his nose, and the moment after that, he was sprawled on the floor.

"What was that for!"

Norrington did not look at him. Instead, his eyes lingered were Will's sleeve had come up, revealing a peculiar black mark.

"What is that?" he said, eyes narrowed.

Will hurriedly shoved his sleeve down. "Nothing- it's nothing."

"Then why are you hiding it."

"What is it Will?" Elizabeth asked.

Will looked down, uncomfortable. After several moments of silence, he finally spoke. "I'm an actor," He mumbled.

"What?" said Governor Swann.

"It's nothing really. Just a mark of comradeship."

"I told you," said Governor Swann to Norrington.

"What did you think it was for?" protested Will.

"Oh, he thought it was witchcraft," said the Governor. "But I of coarse said it was nonsense…"

Norrington did not expect a punch in the jaw, but suddenly there was blood dripping on his chin.

"I may be a pirate," seared Will. "But never accuse me of being dishonorable."

He turned and left, followed quietly by Elizabeth and Governor Swann. Norrington glared at the back of his skull. Then, a handkerchief lightly dabbed his cut.

"I'm fine," he said.

"No you're not," said Michelle, wetting the cloth in a bucket of water. "You're bleeding."

She continued to clean Norrington's chin. Slowly the deep furrows in his brow smoothed.

"Thank you," he said.


	16. Chapter 16

**Note: Hello! I know it's been a bit of a while, so sorry! Obviously I don'town POTC, Jean Luc Picard, yadda yadda yadda...Well, I hope you enjoy more ofthe bizarity! Cheers. **

**M**argaret jumped off the ship. The cold hit her like an icy blast; water is water, Caribbean or not. Mullroy was thrashing about, kicking frantically, and occasionally going under.

"Hold still!" Margaret yelled.

"I can't swim!"

"You've mentioned that!" Margaret struggled to hold him up. "Quit struggling, you're pulling us both down!"

"I can't swim!"

"If you say that one more time-" Margaret warned.

"By the way," she grunted, treading water with one arm and supporting him with the other. "You were supposed to say 'I know'"

"I know to what?"

"You know perfectly well 'what'! I say 'I love you,' you say 'I know.' That's how it works!"

"But I didn't know."

Beside them, a longboat tumbled with a splash into the water by Barbossa's crew. Moments later they were both hauled soaked into the boat. Water formed a pool under them half a foot deep. Thick ropes were tied tightly around their wrists, cutting into their skin. Margaret winced from the stinging pain of the ropes rubbing harshly against her raw flesh.

"Do you think you could make it any tighter?" she snapped

Ignoring her completely, the pirates half shoved, half carried them up a rope ladder. Once they were again aboard, Margaret shoved off the help offered from Mullroy and Picard, and righted herself, only to be face to face with Barbossa.

"Now you look here," she said primly. "I don't want any more of your rubbish. That was a very cruel trick, and I won't stand it again. I don't know what you want. Are we prisoners? Or bait? What? I feel that I have born this remarkably well."

Behind her, Mullroy coughed and said something that sounded remarkably like "bagpipes."

"Anyhow," Margaret said forcefully with a brief glance to Mullroy. "However hard you will try, I can only say: Do your worst."

* * *

"**R**eally brilliant! '_Do your worst'" _Mullroy whined. "So tell me, how did you not expect him to take that literally?"

"Really, it's not that bad!" said Margaret, craning her neck to see him.

"Not that bad? We're tied up in a rowboat in the middle of the Caribbean, surrounded by sharks, with no possible hope of escape, and you're telling me it's not that bad!"

"Oh, stop complaining. It could be worse."

"Worse? Worse! It is worse! It's _been_ 'worse' since you told him to do his worst!"

"Even if we could escape, we'd have absolutely _no_ where to go, because Mr. Crazy over there is watching our every move," Mullroy started muttering. "And you tell me it could be worse…"

"Shhh!" Margaret suddenly whispered.

"What?" Mullroy said quietly, instantly falling into the soldier role. "Do you hear something?"

"No," Margaret said, and a smile formed on her lips. "I see something."

* * *

**O**n the Enterprise, Barbossa let his gaze slide past the small rowboat, and as his mind began to drift, his fierce, hawk like eyes turned to the horizon. Jean Luc Picard timidly approached. Y'Know, for a Starfleet officer, he sure can be wimpy! (Actually, I have my own theories on who would be the victor if he and Kirk squared off. But more on that later…or maybe just never…)

"Mr. Barbossa?"

Barbossa either didn't hear him, or was just being rude. Either way, he suddenly frowned, and his eyes narrowed, a widely whispered explosive combination.

"Mr. Barbossa?" Picard repeated. "I thought you should know that…."

But Barbossa had now turned to face Picard, his expression lined in fury. Picard had to use all of his strength not to wet himself.

"Would you mind telling me," said a tight lipped Barbossa, "why I wasn't informed that a ship of the Royal Navy was on our tail? Hmmm?"

"Ummm…I'm sorry?" sputtered Picard.

"Well, you won't be makin' that mistake again, now will you?"

"No?"

"No." said Barbossa, who turned on his heals, intending to tell Phillip, the steering wheel guy, to way anchor and join Steve the cannon guy, who, incidentally, was his twin brother. As he was walking away, Picard called out:

"Mr. Barbossa?"

Annoyed, Barbossa turned. "_What_?"

"There's a ship of the Royal Navy on our tail, Mr. Barbossa."


	17. Chapter 17

**Note: This chapter is kind of random (and for this story, that's saying something) and short, but my computer crashed, and I lost my story, so this is something until I get thing back in order. And, as odd as it seems, this chapter is a part of the whole story, and hopefully certain previous remarks will start to (sort of) make sense. I do not own Scooby Doo or any of his acquaintances. **

"Gee gang, it looks like we're lost!"

"Jinkies, you're right Fred! My handy-scientific-scanning-device-which-conveniently-fits-in-my-pocket-and-is-insanely-out-of-place-in-the-current-time-period indicates that we are several miles off our designated course!" Velma agreed.

"Zoinks Velma, that sure is one long name," exclaimed Shaggy.

"Reah, Relma!" Scooby chimed in.

The Mystery Machine floated aimlessly about the Caribbean on the newly installed tire super-inflation device. As Fred studied the map he had spread over the steering wheel, Daphne canoodled up to him.

"Gee Fred, what are we going to do?" asked Daphne, twirling his ascot around her finger.

"Maybe-" began Fred, sounding strangely like he'd sucked helium. He cleared his throat. "Maybe we should split up and search for clues?"

Just then, Velma poked her head in from the back of the van, her eyes wide and buggy.

"Clue?" she shrieked. "Did someone say clue?"

"Uhhh… yeah Velma, we're going to split up. You, Shaggy and Scooby search the back of the Mystery Machine, and Daphne and I will look up here."

"Right." Then Velma disappeared as quickly as she had appeared.

"So…" Fred said after a moment. "Should we, um, look for clues?"

Daphne didn't answer him.

"Wow Fred," she said. "This is a real groovy ascot."


	18. Chapter 18

**Yay! A new chapter! Thanks to everyone who's reviewed, Araminta Ditch, windii, megan, williz, PopRocket, and "just visiting." I really appreciate the support. If anyone has some ideas for me, I'd be glad to hear them. I have a storyline set in my head, but you never know what I can add! Oh, and so you know, Jack will be in it...eventually. So, please continue to read and rate, and ON WITH THE STORY...**

Barbossa pulled out his spyglass. After squinting into it for a few seconds, he rolled his eyes and quickly snapped it shut.

"That's not a ship of the British navy!" he said gruffly.

"But you said…!" protested Picard.

"Never mind what I said!" he growled. He looked across the water, where an odd vehicle was approaching them. "What the blazes is that thing?"

"Ummmm…..a ship of the royal navy?"

Barbossa sent him a burning glare. At that moment, the strange vehicle pulled up beside them. It was bizarrely colored: aqua, blue, orange, yellow... From an opening emerged a blond fellow with a gaudy red ascot.

"Gee!" he said "Do you guys know where Port Royal is?"

Barbossa and Picard exchanged glances.

"Uh, sure," said Picard. "It's a few days that-a-way," he said, pointing behind him.

"Groovy! Thanks!"

As the weird thing sped away, Barbossa turned sourly to his prisoners floating beside the Enterprise. "Lock 'em in the brig."

* * *

_On the dinky insignificant ship Norrington had scrounged up for the occasion…_

"Hmmm," muttered Will, scratching his head in confusion. "Now this doesn't look right…"

"We're lost?" said Commodore Norrington incredulously. "Lost! I _knew _you couldn't navigate!"

"Commodore, please, you are severely overreacting," said Will, looking at an upside-down compass.

"I _told _you to turn left at that last wisp of cloud!" Norrington continued.

"Do you think we should stop and ask for directions?" asked Murtogg, who had stopped oogling his miniature portrait of Sarah long enough to help man the ship.

"Well that's a fantastic idea!" said Norrington sarcastically. "Hey you!" he shouted at a seagull. "Have you seen a ship pass by?"

"Sheesh," said Murtogg. "What's his problem? This entire story he's been nothing but a grumpy-gus."

But Will wasn't listening. A dazed expression on his face, his eyes glazed over, and drool dribbled from the corner of his mouth.

"Mr. Turner?" Murtogg asked.

"Wha...? Oh! Yeah! I was just thinking, the Commodore might have a point."

"We should all start yelling at seagulls?"

"No, but we are going to ask for directions."

"Where?"

"Tortuga."

* * *

_Meanwhile, aboard the Enterprise…._

"Captain, I have detected a tachyon-pulse. Its positronic matrix is discombobulating the warp drive," said Lt. Commander Data.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrr! I am a Klingon!" said Warf.

_No, no, no! Hold it! Time out! Not _that _Enterprise, turnip brains! Alright, where were we? Oh yes…._

"I say!" said Phillip the steering wheel guy, looking worriedly at the gas meter. "I must tell Captain Barbossa!"

After putting the ship in park, he scurried off to the Captain's quarters.

* * *

He flicked the bright green apple from hand to hand; Back and forth and back and forth. He barely felt the movement, barely saw the blur of green. Captain Barbossa sat in the pilfered quarters of a British officer, in the ornate, comfortable chair once belonging to the Commodore himself. Barbossa's eyes focused on an invisible point, beyond the apple, beyond the Enterprise. In his own mind, he wrestled with himself. 

"_Dare I finish what I started?" _he wondered_. "It's too late for second guesses," _he decided. _"It's too late for a lot of things…"_

His gnarled hand closed tightly on the apple, long nailed digging into the white flesh. "Picard!" he yelled.

Jean Luc Picard poked his head from behind the door. "Yes Mr. Barbossa?" he asked timidly.

"Bring me the girl."

* * *

"…_Tomorrow, tomorrow,_

_I love ya,_

_Tomorrow,_

_You're always a day away…"_

In the brig, Margaret Austen sat singingin the murky water, the bottom of her skirt wet and muddy, her knees pulled to her chest and her arms folded across them. Beside her, Mullroy snored softly. She sighed. She had been so sure that the ship, or whatever it was, had been her salvation. Now she was right back where she had started.

"Well," she said aloud. "At least Barbossa is gone!" Then she heard the rattling of keys and the cell door screeched on its hinges.

"Hey you!" said Picard. "You're coming with me. Oh, and put this on." He tossed a beautiful gown at her.

"No way am I putting that thing on!"

* * *

Shortly after, Margaret looked darkly under her eyelashes at Barbossa, her plump figure stuffed into the dress. He smiled. 

"Oho, don't you think I don't know what you're up to!" she cried.

"And what is that, missy?" Barbossa said pleasantly.

"The name's Miss Austen, thank you very much, and I know what you're all about. You've got me into this little frock, the next thing I know, you try putting your hands on this!" she pulled from beneath the plunging neckline a paperclip chain, from which hung a crumpled piece of tin foil.

Barbossa chuckled softly. "Well, don't you know everything?"

"Don't you make fun of me! I get enough of that from my sister, don't you do it."

Barbossa smiled mockingly. "If you'd rather dispense with the pleasantries –."

"What do you mean?" Margaret interrupted.

An odd expression appeared on Barbossa's face. "Where's William Turner?"


End file.
